🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE • 🐷 CRANK RESPONSIBLY • NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE •

HOG
McCRANK
ERSON

The patron saint of cranking. He cranks. You crank. We all crank together.Crank Responsibly™

START CRANKING ▶MEET THE HOG
69,420 hogs cranking RIGHT NOW
Hog McCrankerson — chains, cigar, lean, bands​CRANK!

THE OFFICIAL

CRANK COUNTER

Press the button. Crank the hog. The hog cranks back.

0
CRANKS LOGGED (this device)

Side effects may include: enlightenment, hand cramps, becoming a hog.

THE LORE

Four panels. One legend. Zero historical accuracy.

THE CALLING
PANEL 01

THE CALLING

Uncle Crack appeared in a vision. He pointed. He spoke one word: CRANK. The Hog obeyed.

THE JUICE
PANEL 02

THE JUICE

Crank Juice IV™ flowed through his veins. Tears of joy. Tears of cranking. They are the same tear.

THE GRIND
PANEL 03

THE GRIND

32-hour sessions. RGB lighting. Ranked Cranking matches. He hit Diamond in three days.

THE MOVEMENT
PANEL 04

THE MOVEMENT

Wrapped in stars. Drenched in stripes. The Hog now cranks FOR THE PEOPLE. Crank with him.

CARVED IN STONE • PROBABLY

THE 10 CRANK
COMMANDMENTS

  1. 01
    Thou shalt crank daily
  2. 02
    Thou shalt not yuck another hog's crank
  3. 03
    Thou shalt feed the swine
  4. 04
    Thou shalt hydrate post-crank
  5. 05
    Thou shalt never crank in traffic
  6. 06
    Thou shalt respect the hog
  7. 07
    Thou shalt sip the lean responsibly
  8. 08
    Thou shalt post the hog
  9. 09
    Thou shalt diamond-grip thy hog
  10. 10
    Thou shalt crank, crank again

DEFINITELY REAL CHART

CRANKONOMICS

A meticulously audited breakdown of where the Hog's daily energy goes. Reviewed by zero accountants.

  • CRANKING40%
  • HOGGING30%
  • RUBBING20%
  • VIBES10%
CONTRACT ADDRESS 
0xCRANK4204206969HOGMcCRANKERSON0000420
FY 2069
100%
HOG

FREQUENTLY
ASKED CRANKS

Is this financial advice?＋
No. It's cranking advice. And barely that.
What is a Hog McCrankerson?＋
A spiritual figure. A lifestyle. A pig with a dream.
How often should I crank?＋
Yes.
Will my mom find this site?＋
She already did. She's cranking too.
Can I crank at work?＋
We are not legally allowed to answer that.